nice.....

I logged into my blog today... after a year...

just skimming and reading through the posts.

Reminded me of who I was... what I was.. friendship.. family... laughter.. love..

and a lot more.

Feels nice..........

Good Bye

It amazes me how much I hate to board or de-board a train/ flight alone. I dot mind traveling alone as much as I hate that there is no one to hug and say good bye to. I never feel as lonely as I do when I have to travel without saying goodbye to someone.

I still remember when I had recently moved to Delhi. That was the first time I was traveling. I was at the platform waiting. The scenes of all the times I had left earlier just kept flashing in front of my eyes. Here I was wanting the train to just arrive and board it, there I used to hold your hand and wish that the train would just be a little late so that could be with you a little longer. I missed someone come - in with me and give the don't you dare miss around with her look to all around. It would just make me feel so protected. Here I was entering, and everyone scanning me, giving me side glances, the ohh she's traveling alone looks. The warm hug and the messages would just make the sleeper class with horny men around much more bearable than the air conditioned comfort of the best train in the country. I just sat and involuntary tears just kept flowing....


Every time I arrived, in the dead of the night, your amazing smiling eyes would be there to greet me. Every time.....
It would make me feel so loved. It would be like homecoming. There I get off. Walk to this taxi stand with a bunch of taxi drivers pouncing on you. Take a prepaid taxi receipt and then walk five hundred meters to get a decent taxi. reach home at a mad hour. unlock the door, show yourself in.

I am like this big girl in the city. all sorted out. independent able to take care of herself and all that... But I don't understand why I become so vulnerable every time I have to travel alone. each time.

I never feel as lonely as when I have to leave without saying goodbye.

Badam Sherbat

Mmmmmm........I just visited a friends place and her mom served me a glass of homemade badam sherbat. It was just too ymmmm.

I couldn't help asking her for the recipe and fortunately she was making some more right then.

So here's how its done.

You'll need:

• 80 - 90 Almonds soaked overnight in water
• 15 cloves of small cardamom
• 6-8 whole black pepper
• 1 small cup dabur kewra water
• 1 cup milk
• 2 kgs sugar
• muslin cloth

For the syrup :

Strain out the water used to soak the almonds in a heavy bottomed pan.
You could also use a pressure cooker.
Add some more water if required.
The total quantity of water should be around 3/4Th of a bottle.
Add the sugar to this water and throw in 2 cloves of small cardamom and bring to boil, stirring occasionally.
The liquid had to boil till it just becomes syrupy and just starts to form threads.
Turn off the heat and allow to cool.

For the sherbat.

Peel the almonds.
grind the cardamom and the pepper into a fine powder.
Put the almonds, pepper powder and cardamom powder in a blender / grinder
Add the milk (both for colour and as a lubricant while grinding)
Blend / grind till the mixture is a fine paste.
Strain the mixture using a muslin cloth into a bowl.

Mix the strained almond paste into the cooled syrup.
Add the Kewra water for the cooling effect and a wonderful smell.
Note mix the syrup, sherbat and kewra water only after the the syrup has cooled.

Bottle the above and store in a refrigerator.

To serve:
Pour the mixture to fill 1/4 of the serving glass.
Pour cold water in 2/4 of the glass
Top up the remaining of the glass with ice cubes.

Mmmmmm.......
Cool, Refreshing and Yummm

Where??

I have felt like writing so many times, I don't know why I just didn't.

I have been wondering where I am... but the thing is that I don't know where I am and its a strange place to be. Its not nice to be in this place. This is a place of changing beliefs, changing stands, of not knowing who you are, what you stand for....

The one thing that I have realized is that I am "OK" with a lot more than I have ever been. I am OK with seeing someone who is sitting beside me throw trash onto the road. I am OK with somebody around me misbehaving as long as its not with me. I am OK with principles bending, people bribing, cheating . . . . . . . .

I have just stopped taking a stand... and I don't like myself like this. Its a strange place

I dont know where I am...

Leaving......................

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Guitar Solo

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh baby, I hate to go

Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

2 Years...

What marriage means
Calibre of Money
Less trust
Cherish moments in life more
Need to Act wild / Act weird
Interpret Competition
Understand jealousy
Become self centered
Others less, me more
OK to not care about others feelings
Need for lesser people
Social Responsibility
Becoming a loner
Meaning of not being comfortable in your own skin
Relationships

Feelings

You just feel the way you feel...........
No body can cahnge the way you feel.. Sometimes not even you.
The deal is - Doing the right thing.............. inspite of how/what you feel