It amazes me how much I hate to board or de-board a train/ flight alone. I dot mind traveling alone as much as I hate that there is no one to hug and say good bye to. I never feel as lonely as I do when I have to travel without saying goodbye to someone.
I still remember when I had recently moved to Delhi. That was the first time I was traveling. I was at the platform waiting. The scenes of all the times I had left earlier just kept flashing in front of my eyes. Here I was wanting the train to just arrive and board it, there I used to hold your hand and wish that the train would just be a little late so that could be with you a little longer. I missed someone come - in with me and give the don't you dare miss around with her look to all around. It would just make me feel so protected. Here I was entering, and everyone scanning me, giving me side glances, the ohh she's traveling alone looks. The warm hug and the messages would just make the sleeper class with horny men around much more bearable than the air conditioned comfort of the best train in the country. I just sat and involuntary tears just kept flowing....
Every time I arrived, in the dead of the night, your amazing smiling eyes would be there to greet me. Every time.....
It would make me feel so loved. It would be like homecoming. There I get off. Walk to this taxi stand with a bunch of taxi drivers pouncing on you. Take a prepaid taxi receipt and then walk five hundred meters to get a decent taxi. reach home at a mad hour. unlock the door, show yourself in.
I am like this big girl in the city. all sorted out. independent able to take care of herself and all that... But I don't understand why I become so vulnerable every time I have to travel alone. each time.
I never feel as lonely as when I have to leave without saying goodbye.
