I have graduated

I wonder sometimes
"why am I clinging on.... Why am I making someone's life
miserable....Why am I not facing it...was it meant to be any
different...Didn't I know...What is it???

And i wonder why am I thinking ... Am I not an expert at being
nonchalant. Have I not walked out before.Didn't i know that it
was not meant to be. Wasn't I the one who could just brush
anything aside and carry on. Why am I making such a big deal
about it.


When did i become so selfish. Now its just me........ me...... me.....When did I
stop thinking about the repercussions... The hurt ,the pain I
am causing to someone. Trying and vying for something that is
not mine.Since when did I stop caring.

When did I graduate.... and become this.

And for what??? Using someones innocence to assure myself. That
someone loved me. That I too mattered. To prove to myself that
there was someone who would be there whenever I needed. To
accept me as I was and to overlook whatever I did not have.

All for just assuring myself. Using someone to satisfy my
ego.To prove what had been thrown in my face...., wrong.

Who am I trying to cheat. Myself??? You??? who???

Why am I writing and posting this??? Just because I know that
you will read this. Just to grab your attention.... Again to
prove to myself that you care????

Why am I so selfish???

When did I graduate to becoming this???